It seems we hear all the time these days about someone who snooped their partner’s phone and found incriminating evidence of something that shouldn’t be. It’s always disheartening to hear that. But, the reality of being in a happy & healthy relationship is that each partner or spouse should have the confidence to know that there is no reason whatsoever to snoop their partner’s phone.
Certainly in the beginning of dating, that confidence is not there and it takes some time to build that bond and feeling of security. And while dating, you still shouldn’t snoop a potential love interest’s phone as their past should not be important to your future. It would be a serious violation of their privacy to snoop their phone at ANY point and certainly behind their back.
As a relationship progresses and love comes into the mix, it’s more important than ever to begin building the trust in each other. And it should go both ways. Prior to a commitment of exclusivity, that person’s activity is not your business. After a commitment of exclusivity, the trust should build between partners. Each partner should give the other the absolute feeling of their commitment to the relationship. At no point should either partner ever feel the need to snoop. Some people are extremely insecure which drives them to that activity, but it will always end badly. Snooping your partner’s phone is like broadcasting in the sky that you don’t trust them. Trust is one of the most important parts of any relationship and once lost, it is probably the most difficult thing to gain back.
In a positive relationship, there should be no secrets and certainly no secrets on anyone’s phone that can be found. In our relationship, we regularly find the need to use each other’s phone for something, to take pictures to search for a particular email relevant to both of us or for one to help while the other is driving. And yet, in all those times we’ve shared phones, neither of us has ever snooped. Nor have we ever done it behind each other’s back. We just have no need. Matter of fact, the PIN code on both our phones is the same to make it easy.
Again, if you are concerned about your partner either snooping your phone or you feel the need to have a PIN code you can’t share, then you are not in the right relationship for the future. This one thing would be gigantic red flag for the future of any relationship. If you feel the need to snoop your partner’s phone then you should reevaluate the relationship. If you have a partner snooping your phone, same thing. You should really rethink whether this is the right person for you.
If you are already married and/or in a committed relationship and this happens, the best course would be to seek our marriage/relationship counseling to let a professional help to determine why there has been a loss of trust. Most professionals would tell you to always try to talk out any concerns instead of being a private eye. But, there could be deeper issues that a therapist could help resolve.
So, in conclusion, you really should never feel the needs to snoop your partner’s phone and you should never give your partner any reason to even think about snooping your phone. In a positive and healthy relationship, there never should be any need and each partner should have no hesitation sharing their phone with each other with no worry about the other ‘finding’ anything incriminating. If you are truly in love, the only person that should matter to you is the person you are in love with. That person should always KNOW that without any doubt!
DISCLAIMER: Neither Melissa or Kurt are trained therapists or marriage counselors. We are simply sharing our thoughts on what has worked for us over our 10 years of marriage and enabled us to be more in love today than the day we got married. We also learned a lot from previous unsuccessful marriages and are sharing some of those lessons.