With the right person, marriage is one of the greatest things anyone can experience. In our opinion, marriage should be easy!
Now, that doesn’t mean marriage is automatic. We think marriage is easy, but it takes effort. The way we see it, marriage is a like an herb garden in Florida. It’s not hard, but it takes effort. The herb garden needs to be regularly watered and plants need trimming, sometimes stakes and sometimes tied in the case of tomatoes or cucumbers.
In the case of marriage, there are many things that go into a successful marriage, but the first thing that is always most important is respect. You must respect your spouse and you must show it. Respect doesn’t mean you always agree, but it does mean you value your partner’s opinion. Respect means that you don’t demean your partner if they don’t agree with your position. Respect means that you listen to your partner explain their position on any given issue, and consider their viewpoint. The old adage, “walk a mile in a man’s shoes” applies here. Always take time to try to see your partner’s viewpoint and where they are coming from. Hopefully, through discussion, you can come to common ground in whatever issue is presented. But, at times, you won’t. It’s those times that often define a relationship. Just because you don’t agree on something does not mean it’s the end of the world. But, what’s most important in these times is again, back to respect, and recognize that your relationship must be balanced. Respect means that there are times your partner will prevail on a given issue and times you will prevail when you don’t agree. We’re not fans of keeping score, but neither partner should ever feel a relationship is one sided.
We all feel a need to be “right” most of the time. It’s never a good feeling to be wrong. But, the fact of the matter is that no one knows everything about everything. Respect always means admitting when you are wrong, especially to your partner! And sometimes, there is no definable right or wrong and in those times, respect for your partner means accepting their opinion, even if different from your own. Again, if it’s an action item, in good relationships, each partner knows when it’s time to cede their position. We all know that certain issues have more importance to each of us than others. When it’s one of those times where you feel a certain way, but it’s not a top 5 issue for you, but maybe is for your partner, let them have the win. In a good relationship when the roles are reversed, your partner will let you prevail.
Of course, in a really good relationship, those times of conflict should not be common. But, always respect your partner’s feelings and opinions.
DISCLAIMER: Neither Melissa or Kurt are trained therapists or marriage counselors. We are simply sharing our thoughts on what has worked for us over our 10 years of marriage and enabled us to be more in love today than the day we got married. We also learned a lot from previous unsuccessful marriages and are sharing some of those lessons.