Saying “I love you” to your spouse would seem like a no brainer. In our opinion, it is a no brainer. However, we see and hear all the time instances of a spouse or partner who can’t or won’t say the words. Certainly, in a new relationship, the words shouldn’t be spoken if the feeling is not there. But, if you truly love your spouse, the words should come easy.
In the 1990 movie ‘Ghost’, Patrick Swayze’s character could not say “I love you.” When his wife’s character played by Demi Moore would say the words, he would reply “Ditto”. In the movie for their relationship, it worked, but when his character died, he finally realized how important it was to say the words.
We have one of those small wooden signs above our bedroom door as we walk in that says “Always kiss me goodnight.” It is a nice sentiment that always reminds us of what’s important. We also always make it a habit to say “I love you,” before we fall asleep. For us, it has become a tradition, but it truly means something for both of us. It reaffirms nightly how we feel.
Certainly “I love you” should never be robotic. And it certainly should never be said if not meant. But, for couples who are truly in love, those simple words help to build your relationship on a daily basis. And certainly, also, bedtime is far from the only time we use those words. We are fortunate to really truly love each other so for us, the words flow regularly. We have gotten into the habit of saying those words whenever we have the feeling. Multiple times every day, one of us will say, “Love you, babe.” It always brings a smile and makes us both feel good. It reaffirms our worth to each other.
Disagreements are inevitable in any relationship and certainly happen in ours occasionally. While we do everything in our power to minimize those times and to always attempt to find common ground, there is an occasional time when we do not see eye to eye. Luckily, we have always been able to work through it and we have learned to always take a moment to try to see the issue from our partner’s perspective. Having been very happily married for over ten years, we have always worked through any of those disagreements. And there is no doubt, the words “I love you” have always helped in those situations. Even if you are in a disagreement, when your partner says, “I love you”, it reaffirms that the relationship is still solid and there is just a difference of opinion. It always helps to de-escalate any situation and brings love back where it needs to be.
So no matter what, for all those times you feel the love that brought you and your spouse together, make sure to affirm it with an “I love you.” In our opinion, it is truly one of the basic building blocks of every great marriage.
DISCLAIMER: Neither Melissa or Kurt are trained therapists or marriage counselors. We are simply sharing our thoughts on what has worked for us over our 10 years of marriage and enabled us to be more in love today than the day we got married. We also learned a lot from previous unsuccessful marriages and are sharing some of those lessons.